ACT 1
Dave spent Sunday watching the Daytona 500 and recaps the race. I spent my Sunday the same way. The ending was crazy, with one driver crossing the finish line on his head. That's how NASCAR is different from the other sports. In other sports, knocking a guy on his head and causing his car to catch fire is a penalty.

In honor of Presidents Day, we are debuting an educational segment about one of the men we honor today. It's called "GET TO KNOW ABRAHAM LINCOLN".
Announcer:

"While on his campaign trail during the 1860 presidential election, Abraham Lincoln desperately needed a restroom, but the closest one was miles away, so he took a leak in his stovepipe hat.
This has been "Get To Know Abraham Lincoln."

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has been forced to answer question after question about his Mormon faith. You can understand if the man is getting a little annoyed. We watch a clip.
Announcer:

"Mitt Romney believes he has the vision and courage to be our next president and he's a proud Mormon. (the word "Mormon" appears over shots of Romney. The word remains) He believes his faith has emboldened him with a steely inner strength which will serve him well in office. And that his faith is a trifling issue compared with our current President's main liability.
(Bush's photo appears . . . the second "m" in the word "Mormon" disappears and the letters squeeze to spell "Moron" over the Bush photo).
Paid for by Team Mitt."

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES - sitting in the JFK inaugural crowd: our costume designer Sue Hum.
We see FDR.
We see JFK.
We see Bush: "I think uhh uhhhh uhhh uh uhhhhhh."

ACT 2
And who was that guy in the Daytona 500 who slid across the finish line on the roof of his car? Clint Bowyer.

TOP TEN: Ways George W. Bush is Celebrating President's Day
#8. Spent morning hiding eggs on White House lawn.

ACT 2/3
JIM CARREY: His film "The Number 23" opens on February 23rd. Dave asks Jim a basic opening question which Jim answers. He then puts up his hands and says, "Scene." What does that mean . . . "scene"? Jim explains that whenever you take an acting class and you're doing a scene study, you have to "Scene" and make the hand gesture to signal to the rest of the class that the scene is over. If you didn't say "scene", the class may not realize the scene has ended after you stop talking and take a seat. They may think it's still part of the scene. That's understandable, considering we're talking about people who want to be actors, not scientists. For instance, whenever Jim sees that guy James Lipton from the "Actor's Studio", Lipton will ask, "So, when are you going to do my show?" Carrey will answer that he is very busy but will try when his schedule opens up. Jim will then say "scene" to let Lipton know the conversation is over.
In Jim's new film, "The Number 23", he has a few racy sexy scenes with some very lovely actresses. Jim is comfortable with that. He's always been pretty connected with his sexual side. When he was just a kid, he had an interest in painting, specifically this one portrait of a very sexy model with an open tunic. Jim spent hours and hours painting that picture, even dabbling in some finger painting. One look at Mr. Carrey and you can tell this memory still lingers.
And he remembers being asked in school what he wanted to be when he grew up. Everyone else in the class answered the basic "policeman" and "fireman." Jim answered "Ass man." H heard grownups call themselves that so Jim thought that would be a good career. And he studied hard for it. In the 3rd grade, he had a teacher whose backside would wiggle whenever she wrote on the blackboard. Jim demonstrates. He remembers staring at the teacher's butt as if it held military secrets. And then the teacher caught him and demanded, "Jim Carrey, what is going through your mind?" Jim was so traumatized . . . but such a turn on!
And how is Jim's love life? The gossips have him mixing things up with Jenny McCarthy. Yes, Jim is proud to say that he is dating Ms. McCarthy and they have become a Hollywood Power Couple. These same gossip magazines have labeled them "Jiminy." They follow the long line of power couples, joining TomCat and Brangelina and Markopatra. Markopatra? Yes, Marc Anthony and Cleopatra.
Jim was in Miami for the Super Bowl . . and speaking of Miami, Jim does an amusing portrayal of David Caruso on "CSI: Miami." Jim puts on the sunglasses often worn by Caruso, delivers a line, and then leaves the screen scene. Caruso does the same very often on CSI: Miami. Jim performs a few examples of Caruso's acting chops.
Jim Carrey's film, "The Number 23" opens this Friday, the 23rd. Somehow, the number 23 has great significance in our world though few realize it. We see a clip from the film of a disheveled Jim driving the family in the family car. His wife is very concerned and frustrated that Jim and the son are both transfixed on the mysteries of the #23. Down the suburban block Jim sees a dog sitting in the middle of the block. He is convinced that the dog is actually the devil, I think. Jim puts the pedal to the metal and aims right for the dog. The dog does not flinch. Jim then slams on the brakes inches from the dog. The dog never moves; never blinks. Obviously, this dog is no ordinary dog. Even the wife grows suspicious. Eerie. What happens next?

ACT 4/6
KEVIN HARVICK: He's the 2007 Daytona 500 champion! What a weekend Kevin had. On Saturday, the day before the Daytona 500, he won the 2007 opening race in the Busch series his race at Daytona International Speedway and then on Sunday, starting in the 34th position, won the granddaddy of them all, the Daytona 500, edging out Mark Martin by two one-hundredths of a second. For the first 150 laps, things were pretty uneventful, but then with 48 laps to go, the leaders took each other out in a touch up/smash up. And then one by one other leaders were eliminated by crashing fender benders. With 5 laps left to go, Kevin found himself in 6th place. As they neared the finish on the final lap, Kevin made a move on the outside and it was now just between Kevin Harvick and Mark Martin. The way I saw it, Harvick took the lead but then Mark Martin held him off and retook the lead. At this point, I thought the race was Martin's. But then Harvick zoomed ahead and finished 4 feet ahead of Martin where it counted most. Dave holds up a photo of the photo-finish; Harvick's car inches ahead of Mark Martin's. We stay on the shot of the photo for about as long as it took Harvick to drive the 500 miles. As Harvick crossed the finish line, in his rearview all hell was taking place. Smash-ups and crack-ups as cars crossed the finish line in a smog of smoke and sparks. Clint Bowyer finished with his car sliding upside-down on its roof. I'm not sure if he's award style-points in the Nextel standings for this.
Opening week of the Nextel NASCAR series is over. Am I hooked? Am I one of the many new NASCAR fans? I don't know. I'll let you know after this Sunday's AutoClub 500 at the California Speedway in Fontana, California, 3:30 PM on FOX.

ACT 5
"This Presidents' Day, the Late Show honors Morgan Freeman! As the President in the 1998 film 'Deep Impact,' Mr. Freeman provided an example of leadership that continues to inspire our country. Thanks for watching, and may God Bless America."

And that was our show for Monday, February 19, 2007.



I spent Sunday watching my very first Daytona 500. I checked my TV Guide and saw it started at 2:00 PM EST. It was a nothing day so I sat back to see what all the excitement was about with this NASCAR and Daytona. I also decided that I would call my brother-in-law, who is a big NASCAR fan, seconds before the start of the race. I wanted to hear him yell, "Who the 'givl' is calling me right now?" I grabbed the phone, got the phone book, and turned on the TV. And I sat there for over an hour with the phone on my lap waiting for the damn race to start. Gee whiz, it was like a Super Bowl with all the pre-game nonsense. I've since learned that the Daytona 500 is a Super Bowl. I had to wait an hour and a half before the race actually started. Instead of calling my brother-in-law John just as the race started, I instead called him and yelled, "When the hell is this race going to start?" While waiting for the race to start, I saw a few songs from Kelly Clarkson. And then while my head was buried in the newspaper, I hear Nicolas Cage with the command, "Gentlemen, start your engines!". . . but there wasn't really an exclamation point necessary . . . I think he was in his "Ghost Rider" character and sort of said it in a non-threatening threatening tone, almost soft-like. Yikes. NASCAR fans have been waiting for that cry since the end of the season months ago and that's what they get? Nicolas Cage saying, "Gentlemen, start your engines." C'mon, man, this is the Daytona 500 . . . nothing is small . . . "Gentlemen, start your engines" has got to be big! It's Opening Day! You gotta go BIG! I'm new to this NASCAR scene but my guess is Cage's opening charge was a disappointment to many, though I may be wrong. Like I said, I'm new to this.

A friend of mine works on the Michael Waltrip Racing Team and I blame him for my new interest in the NASCAR. It was a hectic week for the Waltrip Team leading into the race and the results for the 3 drivers of Team Waltrip at Daytona weren't all that successful. On the other hand, if you looked at the final standings while on your head like Clint Bowyer was at the finish, Waltrip's drivers would be near the top.

And then later that night I turned on the NBA All-Star game. By the time I checked in, it was halftime. Oy vey. It was a bunch of fluff and pomp and look-at-me show business. And then when the 2nd half started, it got worse. I am still a bit confused at the halftime introduction of Toni Braxton. I think it was Robin Leach who exclaimed, "Here is Toni . . . Toni . . Toni . . . Toni Braxton!" I don't know if he forgot her last name or what?
Or is she one of the Toni's from Toni Toni Toni? Maybe that was it. I know as much about hip-hop as I do about NASCAR.

I've seen better defense from Red Klotz against the Harlem Globetrotters than I did in Sunday's NBA All-Star game.

What would happen to you if you went around your office talking non-stop about how you are applying for another job down the block? Every day you would go on and on about how you really want this new job and spend hours each day working towards it. And this would go on for over a year. How long do you think this would be allowed to go on in your office? Don't you think your boss would get ticked off and tell you to take a hike? Well, take a look at our Presidential candidates. Most, if not all, are doing exactly that.

Happy Presidents Day! And how did I celebrate Presidents Day? On the internet trying to find out if it's Presidents Day, President's Day, or Presidents' Day. Where does the apostrophe go, that is, if there is an apostrophe?
From Wikipedia:

"Though commonly seen written as Presidents' Day or President's Day, Presidents Day is technically the correct form of the holiday's name. The holiday does not belong to the presidents, but rather it is a day on which the United States honors them. Presidents is considered an 'attributive noun' and acts as a modifier. Many commercial retailers, calendar designers and even government agencies spell the holiday incorrectly."

Presidential Campaign Slogans
www.presidentsusa.net/campaignslogans.html
1840: William Henry Harrison: "Tippecanoe and Tyler, Too" - William Henry Harrison was the hero of the Battle of Tippecanoe and John Tyler was his Vice President
1844: James K. Polk: "54-40 or fight" - 54-40 was the area of the Oregon Territory subject to dispute with Great Britain. The proponents of this slogan wanted for the US to have this territory or else go to war.
1844: Henry Clay: "Who is James K. Polk?" - The Democratic party convention deadlocked, and selected a dark horse candidate James Polk
1852: Franklin Pierce: "We Polked you in '44, We shall Pierce you in '52" - 1852 U.S. presidential campaign slogan of Franklin Pierce the '44 referred to the 1844 election of James K. Polk as president.
1856: John C. Fremont: "Free Soil, Free Labor, Free Speech, Free Men, and Fremont" - Refers to the anti-slavery views of the Republican Party and Fremont
1860: Abraham Lincoln: "Vote yourself a farm" - Refers to the Republican Party promise supporting a law granting free homesteads to settlers of western lands.
1884: Grover Cleveland: "Blaine, Blaine, James G. Blaine, The Continental Liar from the State of Maine" - Refers to Blaine's involvement in unethical business deals with the railroad industry and his behavior after they were exposed
1884: James Blaine: "Ma, Ma, Where's my Pa, Gone to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha" - Refers to the out-of-wedlock child Cleveland allegedly had fathered

And now it's time for, "Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show".
Michael Waltrip's NASCAR team was nabbed for using an illegal fuel additive in his car and fined $100,000. Which team member did this deed has yet to be determined, but Dave believes this photo could hold the answer. We have a shot of Michael Waltrip's pit crew during a pit stop. And who is a member of his pit crew? Yup, it's clear as day . . . one of the members of the pit crew is Barry Bonds.
This concludes another installment of "Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show".

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Iowa City, Iowa and the daughter of LeClaire, Iowa's Mike Beaderstadt, it's Sara Barron!
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER