STUMP THE BAND – uh oh. I think Paul got the wrong memo. He was wearing the funny hat and was all set to play the old Carson classic, “Carnac”, and not Stump the Band. Paul holds an envelope up to his head and gives the answer to the question hermetically sealed inside. It’s sort of like Jeopardy, but not really.
Paul: “The Pamela Anderson/Kid Rock divorce, and David Letterman punchlines.”
Paul then rips open the envelope to read the question: “Name 2 things you can see coming from a mile away.”

That joke was switched a little before the show. Originally it was: “A hot air balloon and the Pamela Anderson/Kid Rock divorce.” --- “Name 2 things you can see coming from a mile away.”
My suggestion: Get rid of Kid Rock. Make it: “A hot air balloon and Pamela Anderson.” The question inside the envelope would change to: “Name THREE things you can see coming from a mile away.”

Stump the Band #1: Joel Ledford of Richmond, Virginia: He is a director of marketing for a portable storage company. His song: Grandma’s Lye Soap.”
Will Lee and the band give it a shot.
To the tune of “Lies” by the Knickerbockers:

“Lye. Lye.
I’m washing you with Grandma’s soap.
Lye. Lye.
You’re life be hanging by a rope.
Some day you’re gonna be dirty
And you can’t avoid it no how,
Lye
Lye soap
Yellin’ out Oww!”

Stump the Band #2: Greg Eberhart of Dayton, Ohio. Also known as #10. Greg’s got on an Ohio State football jersey. Greg is a pediatrician. OH! Dave’s little boy, Harry, is suffering from his first ear infection. What should he do? Doctor Eberhart says to get him on antibiotics and he’ll be fine in a week. Dave thanks him for the free visit. Dave asks the doctor if he gets tired of the whiny sick kids screaming in his office all the time. Doctor Eberhart says it doesn’t bother him. I said, “Of course, he loves it! Each crying baby is another big bill in his pocket.”
Greg’s song: “Round on the Ends, High in the Middle” – Dave says “Hey, that’s my first wife!”
I don’t remember the song or who sang it, Bruce Kapler I believe, but I’m thinking it may have been to the tune of a ZZ Top song.

“Round in the ends,
High in the Middle
That’s how I used to roll
But now I’m round in the middle
I still roll a little
But I’m high in the end.”

Stump the Band #3: Cathy Levinson of Midland, Michigan. Where is Midland? Right about in the middle of the mitten. She’s a mom of a 10-year-old and a 7-year-old. Have they ever had an ear infection? Nope. Dave asks Dr. Eberhart what he’s doing wrong?
Cathy’s song: “If You Had A Donkey.”
Paul volunteers for this one.
To the tune of Johnny Rivers' “If I Were a Carpenter”:

“If you had a donkey
And you were my lady
You wouldn’t need me for anything
Cause you’d have a donkey”
Felicia: “Big ole, big ole, big ole donkey, yeah.”

And that was Stump the Band.

Dave saw something on the TV the other day, a 20/20; 48 Hours/60 Minutes/A Current Affair-type thing about holiday shopping. The secret to being a wise shopper is this: “If it seems too good to be true . . . . . chances are it is.

Did you hear about the Killer Whale in Whale Town or Whale City or Whale World out in San Diego? Shamu the Killer Whale got irritable and just to remind his handlers who is the boss, he took one of the workers down to the bottom of the pool and kept his fin on his neck for a few minutes. The guy almost drowned. Sea World was quick to respond with an informational announcement.
You can watch it here.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: “Eh eh eh I I I uh uh uh uh I I I I’m serious about it.”

JENNIFER CONNELLY: She’s an Academy Award winner for Best Supporting Actress in A Beautiful Mind. Thanksgiving? After they got over the trouble of the kids’ passports, things didn’t get much better when they went to Italy to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with her husband. When you think Italy, you think of beautiful hillsides. Unfortunately, where her husband was filming was nothing like that. And the food was worse.
When filming her current film, Blood Diamond, Jennifer was able to explore Africa. She and her husband stayed at a beautiful place called Singita Lodge. It was gorgeous. They had everything they needed but were told to be careful of one thing: “Always keep your door closed.” Jennifer and her husband went outside for about a half hour. They had forgotten to close the door. When they returned, they were met by a 5-foot baboon jumping on their bed eating a chocolate bar. I “Played the Dave” and said, “That was me!” Dave didn’t say it. I lost. It was bad enough to find the baboon in their bedroom, but the thing drained the mini-bar! Yikes . . . talk about expensive! Jennifer is used to that behavior from all the actors she’s had to work with.
The film, Blood Diamond is set in Africa in the 1990s. It deals with the diamond mining camps that were operated by rebels and directly funded armed conflict in the area. From what I’ve heard, it’s a pretty intense film. I’ve also heard that diamond dealers, like Zales, aren’t too happy about the film, which is fine with me. I still don’t get the attraction of shiny rocks for thousands of dollars.
Blood Diamond – it opens December 8th, and girls, Leonardo DiCaprio is in it, too.

TOM DREESEN: How did he spend Thanksgiving? He helped feed the homeless like he does every Thanksgiving with some other comedians at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles. Tom talked to one homeless guy, and lo and behold, they had the same agent!
Anyone who knows Tom knows that he is an avid golfer. He recently had the privilege of golfing with Tiger Woods. Tom says that Tiger may be the greatest athlete of all-time; he’s just that good. And he works so hard at his craft. It’s as if he is trying to break into the golf circuit rather than continuing to be the greatest. It’s what makes him so great. No one in any line of business has a great work ethic than Tiger Woods.
(Tom has obviously never seen me type blue cards).
Tom has golfed with Bill Clinton, George Bush Sr., Gerald Ford, and Bob Hope.
He golfed with former astronaut Alan Shepherd who once hit a golf ball while on the moon. He’s been asked, “Have they ever found the golf ball you hit?” Alan answers, “They?” Tom has heard that since the moon’s gravity is 6-times less than the earth’s, anything that you can get up on the moon will stay up 6-times longer. To which Tom starts to sing, after a pause to allow you time to figure out where he’s going: “Fly Me To The Moon.”
And if you know Tom, you know he’s got loads of stories about Frank Sinatra. They toured together for years. Tom proudly shows the new 5-disc box set of “Sinatra – Vegas” on sale now. He gives the set to Dave. Dave, with nothing to give in return, urges a staffer to run and get a T-Shirt or something. Tom performs regularly at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles and he performed there the night Michael Richards had his . . . spell. Tom doesn’t mince words when he says it was the worst thing he’s ever seen on stage and it was an insult to the profession. Tom says that Michael had the opportunity to stop it before it got seriously out of hand, but didn’t. Tom says the owners and staff of the Laugh Factory handled the difficult situation beautifully, preventing an ugly incident from turning uglier and perhaps even dangerous. Tom gave them well deserved kudos.

ACT 5: It’s Alan Kalter enjoying an ice cold Budweiser. Ahhh.

SHINY TOY GUNS: From their CD, “We Are Pilots,” Shiny Toy Guns performed the 80s-ish “Le Disko.” I liked it more than I thought I would.

Dave closes the show with: “If you see a holiday bargain that seems too good to be true, chances are it is.”

And that was our show for Thursday November 30, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

They have a suspect in this strange KGB agent poisoning. Shamu.

It looks like George Clooney has not out-drank both Twins; Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito.

How do you like the cold opens of Dave sitting in a home-library setting and proudly saying, “Hi. Welcome to our show”? Congratulations to Jim Cammisa of Alexandria, Virginia for recognizing the inspiration for that opening. And just what is that from? I’m not going to give it away, and neither is Jim Cammisa. Do you know?

Hey! What’s happened to Bobby? I haven’t heard a peep about it and it’s been out for a week. Have you heard anything? Doesn’t seem to have made much of a splash.

My girls are getting old. It’s odd; they’re getting old but I’m not. They’re in the 5th grade and just turned 11. Last night they went to an assembly at the school to teach girls what’s coming up in their life. I’m not sure what the assembly was called, but my daughter Dominique kept calling it . . . . . “Puberty Night.” Yeah, they got the talk at the school. Me? I learned everything I needed to learn on the bus. So, Dominique was so darn excited to go to this thing and when she returned, she was just dying to talk about it to anyone who would listen. Her twin sister Danielle had little interest in the topic, or at least she pretended not to be interested. As much as Dominique wanted to talk about it, Danielle would kindly suggest to “shut up.” I listened to Dominique as much as I could pretend. I then had to head out to the supermarket to pick up a bunch of stuff for the house. As I was leaving, Dominique cries out, “Can you pick up some tampons and pads?!” Oy vey.
And when I returned from the store, it was time to put the girls to bed. Danielle was busy watching a ballgame or something so Dominique and I went upstairs. Dominique got under her covers and I told her how happy I was that she learned so much at “Puberty Night.” She was still bursting to talk about. She asked, “Daddy, do you know how to put in a tampon?” Oh, boy. I told her I didn’t because I’ve never had to. She then proceeds to tell my how it’s done. I stopped her quick. I told her I’m very happy she knows how to do it, but it’s a personal thing she should keep to herself and whisper to her friends. I kissed her goodnight and went downstairs to Danielle. I asked her what she thought of Puberty Night. She says she didn’t like it because she had to miss the first half of the basketball game on TV. Ahhh. Now that’s what a daddy likes to hear.

This was another milestone in the girls’ development. The first one I remember was when they were about 4 years old, maybe 5. It was when the made the change from Barney to Rugrats. I felt they were losing a bit of their innocence. Another milestone was when the asked me for the very first time to change the radio station from Radio-Disney to . . . . . Z-100.

Ooops. And now another Wahoo Gazette installment of “You Were Wrong When You Wrote…”
From Tuesday’s November 28th Wahoo, about the participant in the “Would You Like Me To Appear In Your Holiday Card?”

“She (Amanda) works for a computer animation company. Anything we should be familiar with? Amanda says ‘The Cool Bears’ is an animated film which will hopefully be in theaters one day. It’s a film about The Cool Bears up against The Bad Seeds for a record contract.”

“However, we are the Cool BEANS! :) Not Bears. :(
Would you be able to change it? This is such great press for us, we'd love to be able to nail it! Thanks!
Check us out at: walshfamilymedia.com and thecoolbeansmovie.com”