Dave offers this little story about flying. Everyone likes to complain; even Dave sometimes likes to complain. And when it comes to flying, complaints do fly. Dave says we should all keep this in mind the next time we want to complain about flying:
Be thankful that man did not design its aircraft to match a bird’s flapping wings.
He’s right. How would we keep from spilling our drink?

We are in the midst of a huge heat wave here in New York and the American Red Cross released these helpful tips for beating the heat.
Announcer: “Wear light, loose-fitting clothes. When possible, stay indoors. And drink plenty of sunscreen.”
(photo of guy guzzling sunscreen)
I’m not sure of the calories.

Coming out of the Red Cross piece, we suddenly are interrupted by a CBS News Special Report graphic. These sudden special reports always make me a little nervous. The graphic disappears and go back to Dave. Dave explains, “I’m being told now that it was a mistake. There is no special report. Just a technical glitch.”

Our costume designer Sue Hum enters holding a $20 bill. She asks Dave, “Do you have change of $20?” Dave says he does not. Sue again, “I need change of a 20 -dollar bill.” Dave tells her he does not carry cash during the show. He doesn’t have change. He can’t make change of the 20-dollar bill. Sue pauses a moment and says, “You cheap bastard.” She exits.

LATE SHOW FUN FACTS – Dave receives a list of Fun Facts from his buddy at the BMI – Bureau of Miscellaneous Information down in DC.
- An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain (true)
- The electric chair was invented by a dentist (true)
- A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge; a dime has 118. (true)
- Warren Buffet made his billions betting on Jai Alai
- Winston Churchill’s British accent was fake
- The ice cream cone was originally designed to hold scoops of mashed potatoes
- When the first Crayola Crayons were introduced in 1903, the only colors were brown and dark brown.
- In the first modern Olympics in 1896, the Gold Medal-winning high jump was two feet, eight inches.
- In order to check for hidden items, airport screeners are allowed to try on passenger’s pants
- On the moon, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales would only weight 31 pounds
- In late 2001, the kindly old man from the ‘Pepperidge Farm’ commercials was captured in Afghanistan and is now in Gitmo.
- Despite the old saying about prostitution, historians believe the world’s oldest profession is landscaper
- Former White House cleaning lady Mildred Herman is the only woman to have had sex with both John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton
- “Match Game” host Gene Rayburn’s headstone reads ‘Loving Father, Friend, and Blank.”
- Thirteen years after ‘Cheers’ went off the air, cast member John Ratzenberger continues to act out new episodes in his garage.
- “Canada” is an Iroquois word meaning ‘Place where Canadians live”
- Every four years, Cinco de Mayo falls on May 6th.
- 71% of paramedics admits to having shocked someone with a defibrillator for fun
- In addition to wooden shoes, the Netherlands is also famous for their wooden socks
- The most popular combination lock combination is Jame Farr’s birthday, 7-1-34
- When the Americans invaded Iraq in 2003, Saddam Hussein was watching ‘The Rockford Files’
- While the sun is hot, it’s nowhere near as hot as people would have you believe

WILL IT FLOAT: Tonight’s item: a 20 pound bag of Scotts Turf Builder Grass Seed.
Dave votes sink.
Paul votes float.
I figured grass seed floats. And the plastic bag floats. I voted float.
The LATE SHOW models drop the 20-pound bag of Scotts Turf Builder Grass Seed into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . FLOATS!

3 more LATE SHOW Fun Facts:
- There is no “I” in team, but there are two “I”s in Hawaii.
- The letter “V” was added to the alphabet in 1952
- And finally, the most frequently requested personalized license plate in America is “Dr. Funky”

TOP TEN: Signs You Chose a Bad Plastic Surgeon
#7. You can hear through your nose
#6. Some doctors leave their watch inside a patient; he once left a clock/radio
#4. Your appointment is busted up by a “Dateline” news crew
#3. During your exam, he gets naked and draws dotted lines all over himself.
#2. Twice a month, flies to Mexico for ‘parts’

DONALD TRUMP: Mr. Trump is escorted 4 Miss Universe contestants. The Donald is the Executive Producer of the Miss Universe Pageant, which will be seen on Sunday night on NBC at 9:00 PM. He admits that this is the first time in his life he’s made money with beautiful women. He usually loses money.
Donald bought the Pageant about 8 years ago for $10 million and is now worth a lot more. And he adds that this pageant is all about beauty, it has nothing to do with “rocket scientry.” 90 of the most beautiful women in the world will compete for the title. Dave asks, “And at the end, Bert Parks sings?” No, unfortunately. Who are the hosts of this year’s Pageant? Donald says you never heard of them. That must make Carlos Ponce and Nancy O’Dell proud. What are the responsibilities of Miss Universe? She flies around the world and meets with politicians. Donald says it is not surprising that most politicians request closed-door meetings.
What does Donald think about Bill Gates and Warren Buffet donating billions to charity? Donald says it’s a very noble thing but “I know the children cannot be too happy.”
Dave mentions Donald’s hair, telling the world that Donald has a barber, a hairstylist, and an aerodynamicist. Donald smiles. Donald recently donated 500 acres in Westchester to the state of New York to be set aside to become a state park. Wow. I can’t imagine the value of 500 acres in Westchester. He just learned that the park will be named after him. You can’t go too far around here without seeing something with Donald Trump’s name on it. Dave concludes, “It must really fry your ass that you’re sitting in the Ed Sullivan Theater.” It took me a second to get Dave’s insight. Surely Donald Trump would love to see HIS name on the marquee outside on Broadway.

NICK GRIFFIN: He’ll be appearing at the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach, California from August 15-19th. Nick’s 6 minutes covered women; how he’s learned nothing about women after all these years; and how old people lived a much greater life than today’s man.

ACT 5: It’s time for ‘Name That Celebrity’.
Can you name the celebrity from his high school prom photo?
(see guy in his promo tuxedo)
Did you get it? That’s right! It’s martial arts superstar Jackie Chan! Looking good, Jackie! This has been ‘Name That Celebrity.’ We do chicken right.”

That’s my prom picture. Why do I have a solo of me at the prom? Because after all the photos were taken of me and my date, the eventual Mrs. McIntee, the photographer asked what package I would be interested in purchasing. In my rum-laced stupor, I mumbled, “Give me the works.” And that’s the last thing I remember.
And now the rest of the story. This Saturday night is my 30th High School Reunion. I figured a lot from out of town would be getting an early start on Friday. I plan to get the show on the tavern TV at 12:20 AM and watch for the reaction. Of course, I’ll let you know all about it on Monday.

THE SAM ROBERTS BAND: From their new CD, “Chemical City,” The Sam Roberts Band performed “Bridge To Nowhere.”

And that was our show for Friday, July 21, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

The handle to my kitchen sink faucet broke off the other day. The only way to get water was to stick a wrench down into the faucet and move the thing-a-ma-jig. I decided it couldn’t wait so I went to my nearby Lowes and picked up a faucet that matched the appliances. I figured I’d give myself 90 minutes to do the job. It didn’t look like that hard of a job and I had all the tools needed. 90 minutes later, the faucet was in and I was getting hot and cold water just as I should. No mistakes, no unexpected problems. I washed my first pot and soon realized the faucet would not move. It was stationary. I could not move it to the left or to the right. It just sat there over the middle of the sink. Why didn’t it swivel? I looked at the directions and couldn’t see where I went wrong. I pretended not to notice the defect and planned to take another look later in the week. My re-examination of the faucet and directions added another investment of 30 minutes to the 90 minute job. The next day I took another look. I took the whole thing apart and examined the faucet before putting it back in. I read the directions and reread them. It said nothing about it swiveling, but I thought a swiveling faucet was standard. The more I looked at the faucet, the more I was convinced that it wouldn’t swivel. But I wanted it to swivel. You can’t have a kitchen faucet that doesn’t swivel. A bathroom sink faucet that doesn’t swivel left and right is fine. But not a kitchen faucet. It’s got to have the swivel. I attach the faucet back to the sink without the swivel. It’ll have to do for now. I grab a Rheingold and think about what my next move will be. Return it? I hate returning stuff. Learn to live with it? I could, but it would bother me every time I use it. And Denise would not stand for it, as she had already let me know. I go on the website to see if I can learn anything. I learn nothing. I leave them an e-mail. A week later, still nothing. Denise gets on the phone with the makers of the faucet. After a bit of the run around, they apologize for the defective faucet and promise a new working one, along with a gift for our troubles. They tell Denise that they’ve had this problem with this faucet in the past and have received a number of complaints. And yet it remains on the market. It remains in stores. It remains on the shelves so people like me can buy it, install it, try to fix it, try to make it work, and spend 6 hours on a 90 minute job. I guess the faucet people figure it’s cheaper to leave their junky product on the shelves and deal with us individually than it would be to remove them from the shelves. I’m still waiting on the faucet and my free gift. Hold it . . . did I say “free gift”? It may be free, but it will end up costing me hours of my time. And isn’t “free gift” redundant?
I’ll keep you posted about the faucet as things develop.

The other day I wrote how celebrities should not be allowed to pay criminal penalties by doing community service. They should have to sit in a lifeguard chair at a busy intersection wearing a dunce cap. Wahoo reader Tod Jacobs of Boston writes:

”How many times have you told us Wahoo-readers about how you hate anything that slows the flow of traffic? How can you possibly suggest placing celebs at a busy intersection?”

I understand there are more problems with the Wahoo archives than Boston’s Big Dig. The Army Corps of Engineers are working on it and the archives will back . . .. eventually. In the mean time, read today’s Wahoo over and over.

25,000 people in Queens, the borough to the east of Manhattan, have been out of power for 4 days. Wow! Of course, if this problem happened in mid-town or the upper East Side, it would have been fixed in about an hour.

Looking to see the Fab Faux? Check out their updated schedule. I’m penciling in September 16 at Echo Lake Park in New Jersey.
July 30th EASTON PA State Theatre 5PM "One"
July 30th EASTON PA State Theatre 8PM "Beyond One"

September 9th TORONTO Massey Hall
September 16 Echo Lake Park NJ - Just the 5 of us!
This show also features Cheap Trick & LaBamba & The Hubcaps with Southside Johnny
September 23rd LOS ANGELES House Of Blues

October 14th CLEVELAND Allen Theatre
October 22nd QUEENS NY Queens College-details later...
October 28th ALBANY NY Palace Theatre