During the monologue, Dave mentions that a coyote was captured in Central Park last week. He pronounced the animal with a long “E” at the end, like “Coyotee.” As an adopted Montanan, I thought he would go with the proper, two-syllable Coyote, like “KY-oat.” Later in the show he explains that east of the Mississippi, it’s pronounced with three syllables; west of the Mississippi it’s two syllables.

Dave touts the new Sharon Stone film, Basic Instinct 2. He was looking for the right word or phrase to describe a certain scene in the film and finally, when all else failed, simply said that in the film “there’s something good for daddy.”

Last week, a coyote was captured in Central Park. We have footage of how the city outfoxed the coyote and NY was able to lure out the critter.
We see loudspeakers on a utility poll in Central Park. From the speakers, we hear “Here, kitty kitty. Come on out, kitty. Kiiiiitttty. Kitty kitty kitty. Here kitty. Come on out, kitty.”

A new video game based on The Godfather was released last week. Dave doesn’t play the video games all that often, but he believes this one looks promising. We see a commercial.
Announcer: “The most acclaimed movie of all time comes into the 21st Century in ‘The Godfather: The Game.’ Don’t miss your chance to join the Corleone family as you take on a variety of exciting missions --- outgunning rivals who want to kill you, outsmarting police who want to arrest you, and outrunning a morbidly obese Marlon Brando, who wants to eat you.
‘The Godfather: The Game’ --- now available in stores.”

GEORGE W. BUSH: WHAT?! From a March 20th speech in Cleveland. We see the President attempting to make a point.
Bush: “And so I – I – I, look like many Americans kinda were . . . . didn’t really realize . . . . the . . .” Shrugs. Nods.

RUPERT TAKES A STAFFER TO THE DENTIST: a few weeks ago, our friend Rupert accompanied a LATE SHOW staffer to the dentist who was about to have two wisdom teeth removed. The dentist’s name was Dr. Kritchman, who Dave describes as an “Ears, Nose, and Wallet man.” The staffer is Tom Ruprecht who has been with the show for 13 years, starting out as an intern and is now a writer.
Rupert has a clip of the venture.
We see Rupert and Tom in a van on the way to the dentist. Rupert offers no positive thought, only the most dismal of conversation. Having wisdom teeth pulled is on picnic. Pain and blood seem to be in the forecast. We get to meet Tom’s dad, or at least an actor who plays Tom’s dad. Tom’s actual dad refused to come along.
Something Rupert’s never seen before . . . . an employee washing his hands.
Tom getting the gas.
Rupert advising Tom that this is going to hurt “like a mother fu . . .”
We see the actual tooth extraction. Many were repulsed to witness such a mess. I was captivated. At the end to get over the pain, Rupert takes Tom, his dad, and the dentist out for drinks. How did the operation go? Says Tom, “Pain and all, it’s still better than spending the day with Letterman.”

Dave thanks Rupert for the report and says, “I’m sure you were a great comfort to Tom.” Rupert does a George W. Bush and responds, “I . . . uhhh . . . um . . . . I . . . . uh, I was.”

Sad news – over the weekend, Paul Dana, a driver for Team Rahal-Letterman died in a tragic accident at the Homestead-Miami Speedway. Dave offers his heart-felt condolences to Paul’s family. He was only 30 years old. “Getting through one day does not guarantee you the next.”

SHARON STONE: She’s in the new film, Basic Instinct 2. It opens Friday. Sharon enters in a fetching plunging neckline outfit. She’s got my vote, and I’m not sure she’s even running for anything. Dave remarks that in a film Sharon was in with Albert Brooks, there was one shot of Sharon that caused Dave to run out and buy the video. He may not remember the film, but that one shot . . . . man, Dave just had to have it.
Sharon is back from enjoying a month-long trip through Europe. She went with her sister, her hairdresser of 10 years, her manager, and her best friend. It was a lot of fun, making a point of having a good time wherever they went. Traveling out of the country with friends, Dave wonders if that makes you act a bit wackier than usual. Sharon isn’t quite sure what Dave means, so he explains that the level of anonymity and on an adventure with friends creates an excitement one wouldn’t find traveling alone or with strangers. Sharon answers, but not with an answer Dave had in mind. He suspects she didn’t quite get his gist.
And what does Sharon do to keep her great shape? Sharon says the only exercise she does is having sex. Depending on your personal trainer, that sounds like fun. At least I would keep my appointment. She adds that years ago she was taught how to do these crazy sit-ups which are highly effective. Dave wants to see some of that. Sharon says she can’t, or won’t, do the sit-ups now but is willing to teach Dave. Dave says he can’t sit-ups due to being shot in the stomach some years ago.
Basic Instinct 2 – in theaters Friday. We see a clip. It looks to be a steamy thriller.

Before the show, Alan Kalter approached Dave and asked if we had a free moment during the show, he would like to say something. We have some time, so Dave throws the show over to Alan.
Alan: “Dave, on March 31st, SONY Pictures will release ‘Basic Instinct 2,’ starring Sharon Stone, the follow-up to the steamy 1992 thriller. But, if blazin’ hot erotic thrillers are your cup of joe, be sure to check my straight-to-video ‘Basic Instinct 3.’ Check out A.K. in action.”
We see a video tape. It’s a seated Alan on a sofa holding a glass of wine. He is speaking to a woman just off camera.
Alan: “You look ravishing, my dear. My basic instinct is to serve you a heaping bowl of Big Red.”
We cut to the woman. It’s is Alan in a dress.
Alan as a Woman: “Shut up and make me feel like the slut I am.”
The woman approaches Alan who is behind the camera. They kiss. Back LIVE to Alan in the theater.
Alan: “And, oh . . . . it only gets hotter. So be sure to check out ‘Basic Instinct 3,’ available for order now at Kalterworld . . . . where you’ll find the finest in adult toys, games, and novelties. That’s Kalterworld at www.Kalterworld.com. Back to you, Dave."

ACT 5: “It’s time for another Late Show Celebrity Puzzler! Can you name the sexy superstar diva seen in this photo?” (photo of Jennifer Lopez in the extremely revealing dress from an Award show some years back. Her head is pixilated.)
That’s right, it’s showbiz legend Carol Channing (unpixilated, the head is of Carol Channing)...still getting’ it done at age 83. Way to go, Carol!
This has been the LATE SHOW Celebrity Puzzler. Thanks for watching and drive safely.”

MARK FAINARU-WADA AND LANCE WILLIAMS: They are all over the sports news lately. They are the author of the baseball and sports steroid book, Game of Shadows, zeroing in on Barry Bonds’ involvement. The ectomorphic pair enter and they sit. Dave’s first comment: “I’m no expert but it looks like you two are on the juice.” Mark and Lance work for the San Francisco Chronicle; Lance more of the crime and courts man, Mark working in sports and wanting to get out.
The authors claim that athletes take the steroids no so much because they want to, but because they feel they have to. In order to keep up, to get that big contract, to get the most out of their ability, they need to take advantage of whatever is out there. The steroids add muscle and strength to the athletic body. Dave asks about reaction time and reflexes. Do steroids help that? Mark and Lance said that steroids help the athlete in that it quickens recovery time. The season is long and tiring. The body tends to break down as the season goes on. Steroids help maintain the body to continue at its peak.
I liked Dave’s question about steroids affect on reaction time but Mark and Lance didn’t address it the way I had hoped. Years ago, a friend of mine started lifting weights to improve his strength to make him a better softball player. Never impressed with his ability, I said to him, “So another words, your infield pop-ups will now go 10 feet higher?” My point is that simply adding strength will not make you hit more homeruns. The jump in homeruns from Maris’ 61 to McGwire’s 70 to Bonds’ 73 has to be due to more than just increased strength. Dave was asking about reaction time and reflex . . . I feel steroids must also increase that to result in a 20% increase for homeruns in a season.
And what is so bad about major league athletes using steroids? Mark and Lance explains that in the long run, steroid use is very bad for you physically, and when kids see the results steroids has on their heroes, like setting a new home run record, they too will try it. The trickle down from the major leagues to high school is inevitable.

And that was our show for Monday March 27, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

No computer at home. It’s still in the computer hospital. I felt so dumb and uninformed without my Google and instant knowledge. There were at least 5 times I found myself wanting to look something up and realized I couldn’t. And yet I survived. And I found I had more time with my kids. And my kids had more time for me.

And with no home computer, I can’t do the Wahoo at home. That cuts into some major Gazette-preparation time. Therefore, upcoming issues of the Wahoo Gazette may not be as dynamic or as thrilling as you have become complacently accustomed to these past 9 years.

And now my take on steroids. I can’t get too angry with Bonds and McGwire and Canseco and the others who allegedly used steroids. They were simply trying to maximize what they could get out of their bodies. They were trying to better themselves. Of course now that we see the dangers involved, it should be banned from the game. At the time they first started taking the stuff, it was largely an unknown. It was simply a continuum from Wheaties, to vitamins, to multi-vitamins, to powdered sports drinks, to steroids. It’s gone too far and it is time to bring it back in.

I was watching Jeopardy last week and got so mad. It was Final Jeopardy; the category was U.S. States. I forget the given answer, but the written correct question was “What is Kentucky?” So it’s Final Jeopardy and the guy in 2nd place has written on his card, “What is . . . . . ?” He couldn’t come up with a state! Not even a guess!! It was so stupid! How can somebody smart enough to get on Jeopardy not know enough to make a stab in the dark at a state, any state, in Final Jeopardy? A 2% chance of being right is a lot better than 0% chance. I screamed at the guy. How stupid!

One from his flock is in danger. Shouldn’t the Pope be going to Afghanistan to bring him home, or at least to lend support?

I saw this somewhere but I forgot to remember where I saw it. Reading it now I think it was from some Minnesota newspaper/magazine.

“It isn't often that Denzel Washington gets outperformed, but that's what happened Monday night, thanks to a Minnesota author who likes to talk about being naked. Former adult dancer Diablo Cody, the author of ‘Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper,’ was the second guest on Monday's ‘Late Show With David Letterman,’ following a pancake-flat interview with Washington. Letterman lavished praise on the book, offering it as the first -- and possibly only -- entry in the Dave Book Club. Cody thanked the host by scoring big laughs with tales of her experiences in seedy Minneapolis clubs and how she's ready to go back to the pole if her book flops. Little chance of that. The day of her appearance, Amazon.com had listed ‘Candy Girl’" as its 10,787th bestseller. On Tuesday, it ranked 77.”

March 14th on our show, Natalie Portman told a story of seeing a nun in full-habit rollerblading through the park that runs along the West Side Highway. In today’s (Monday) New York Times, front page, there is a photo of Sister Mary Elizabeth and Sister Immaculata rollerblading in lower Manhattan. Are these the nuns seen by Natalie Portman, or is this a new nun-craze?

It is so great watching sports with my 10-year-old daughter Danielle. During the LSU-Duke basketball game on Thursday night, CBS showed the wife of the LSU coach in the stands following an LSU basket. With no prompting from me, she sighs and screams, “WHO CARES?!”
And then an LSU guy is fouled late in the game. The LSU coach goes crazy because he thought the foul should have been called against a different Duke player. It would have been the player’s 5th foul and would be out of the game. The ref called the foul against a different Duke player. It was a close play. The foul could have been called on either player. A time-out is called. Going to commercial, CBS shows a replay of a Duke basket from earlier in the game. I sigh. Danielle says, “yeah.” I ask her, “Yeah, what?” She says, “They should show the foul.” I smiled. She gets it. . She’s 10 years old. She can follow the game. She knows how the TV picture-story should be told. The director apparently does not. Or maybe the director is more interested in a different story than what the sports fan wants. Or is it the producer’s call on what to show?

Ray Romano is on the show tonight (Tuesday). Will he be wearing black pants and a blue shirt?

Happy Birthday, Tony Mendez!