Sorry if this is rushed. As soon as I'm done with this my vacation starts. Right now, the Wahoo is eating into my off time.

STUMP THE BAND: It's the fastest growing party sensation, Stump the Band. It's something we borrowed from Johnny Carson. Apparently, Paul got the wrong memo because he was set to play Carnac, not Stump the Band. Paul holds an envelope up to his forehead and gives the answer to the question sealed inside.
Paul: "Iraq and the New York Knicks."
Question: "Name two places you don't want to go after being drafted."
Looking at the attire of the audience, one word came to mind: Sherbet.

STB#1: E.J. Becker of Cleveland, Ohio. E.J. is a news anchor for WTAM radio in Cleveland. E.J. is originally from Evansville, Indiana. E.J. says it's on the southern tip of the state. I know it as Yankee baseball favorite Don Mattingly's home town. After Evansville, E.J. moved to Vienna, Australia to sing in the opera. Wow! Very impressive! And what did E.J. do after Vienna? "I moved to Cleveland." Ouch. E.J.'s song: "Old Wabash"
Will Lee says he knows this one. To the tune of "Mystery Train":

"Old Wabash bringing my baby home,
Old Wabash cause I'm on my own
And if that train goin' crash
I'll be left holding my own."

Nice song. Wrong song. E.J. performs his Alma Mater song from Wabash College in Crawfordsville, Indiana and is rewarded with Explod-O-Pop Popcorn, music from the Late Show, and dinner for two at Ruth's Chris Steak House. The audience lets out an envious "ahhhh" when they hear the restaurant. They like the Ruth's Chris Steak House. But what about that name? Ruth's Chris Steak House? Remember the fun we had months back talking about Ruth's Chris Steak House? Sigh.

After Vicki brings down the presents, she remains to have a chat with Dave.
"Hi, Mr. Carney. Are you playing Stump the Band? I love the Stump the Band. It's something that you would see on a TV show. Tell me, Mr. Carney . . . do you like kitties?"
Dave answers in the affirmative. "Me too" says Vicki. Then there is an awkward silence, awkward for everyone but Vicki. She's totally fine with the silence. After a long bit of silence than is comfortable, Vicki asks again "Do you like kitties?" She then quickly adds, "I would like to remind everybody there is no 'I' in team. See you later, deadbeats." And with that she runs off.
Ohhhhh, now I get it!

STB#2: Eileen Hancy of Rexburg, Idaho. Eileen is a homemaker and a grandmother to 13. Dave asks if she could name all 13. She can and she does. Dave apologizes for putting her on the spot like that, but then again, we have no way of verifying.
What is Eileen's song? "Horace the Horse."
Paul immediately puts in a bid for knowing the song.
To the tune of a familiar song I can't put my finger on . . . I believe it's an instrumental. And it's about Dave!

"Horace the horse
with all his force
Tossed Dave on his arse
Horce horce
With force
Tossed Dave
On his Arse."

STB#3: Bob Stanhope of Brewster, New York. Bob is a school teacher. Dave says he lives not too far from Brewster. After a pause, Bob says "That's great!" With time running out, we get right to the song.
Bob's song: "I Wish My Daughter Was Ugly."
Bruce Kapler says he's got this one. To the tune I am not familiar:

"I wish my daughter was ugly
so her boyfriends wouldn't bug me
always creeping sneaking around my door
If her nose was a little bigger
I'd take my finger off the trigger
Of the shotgun I've kept loaded
Here to fore."

Back from commercial, Dave admits to being criticized for being a worry wart and always concerned about safety, but in this case I think he's right. Just before the show started, Dave had a staff member go down to the theater basement and put away the Late Show bear. It's "safety first" here at the Late Show.
Tonight doing the honors is our Associate Director Pete Fatovich. And kudos to Pete, tomorrow is his 75th birthday! We see Pete do the chore of shoving the Late Show bear behind the heavy steel door. We all felt a lot safer. And if you watched closely, you would have noticed that Pete kicked the Late Show bear as he was putting him away. Dave knows that'll get us a call from PETA.

Dave's been meaning to mention this all week. On August 2nd at B.B. King's Blues Club on 42nd Street in Times Square, Paul will be hosting a benefit concert for Mike Smith, lead singer of the Dave Clark Five. Mike suffered a spinal cord injury a little over a year ago that has left him paralyzed. At the benefit will be The Zombies, Peter & Gordon reuniting for the first time after 35 years; Billy J. Kramer; Denny Laine, and the Fab Faux with Will Lee. I've yet to see the Fab Faux but all I hear is great things about the sound of the Beatles they produce. For ticket information, check out
http://www.bbkingblues.com/schedule/moreinfo.cgi?id=2795.
It sounds like a great show for a great cause. You may remember Mike when he filled in for Paul when Paul guest hosted on March 24, 2003. Mike and the CBS orchestra played music from the Dave Clark Five all night long.

This is what I wrote about that night.
From the March 24, 2003 Wahoo Gazette:

"Paul intro's Mike Smith, the lead singer of the Dave Clark Five. Paul is hyped up to have him here. Back in the '60's, the Dave Clark Five rivaled the Beatles in popularity. The Dave Clark Five sold over 100 million records and made 18 appearances on the Ed Sullivan Show, a record for a Rock and Roll band. Some of the DC5 hits include: 'Glad All Over,' 'Bits and Pieces,' 'Can't You See That She's Mine,' 'Because,' 'I Like It Like That,' 'Catch Us If You Can,' 'Over and Over,' and 'You Got What It Takes.' Paul asked Mike if he would later sing 'Because.' Mike agreed."

TONY MENDEZ GIVES AWAY THE ENDING OF "WAR OF THE WORLDS" IN SPANISH.
TONY: "Thanks, Dave. 'War of the Worlds' o 'La Guerra de los Mundos,' es divertida y exitante – lo que uno espera del director Steven Spielberg. Hay una escena impresionante con la nina Dakota Fanning. Al final de la pelicula, los platillos voladores destruyen todo el East Coast. Relampagos caen del cielo y Tom Cruise acaba muerto. Enjoy it, kids!"
FREEZE
Alan V.O.: "This has been 'Tony Mendez Gives Away the Ending of 'War of the Worlds' in Spanish'.' Be sure to watch 'The Tony Mendez Show" at www.CBS.com/lateshow. It's bilingual!"

TOP TEN: Things You Don't Want To Hear at a July Fourth Barbecue.
#9. "Take a photo of me lighting this cigar with an M-80"
#5. "Hey, look, it's Ernest Borgnine. Oops, sorry lady." Dave laughs at this one and says, "The old jokes really are the best."
#2. "My hot dog has a knuckle." I'm not sure why I found this one so funny. I think it was the word 'knuckle.'

Back from commercial, Dave mentions the bridge seen in the bumper shot. He then mentions his favorite bridge, the Tappan Zee Bridge. "And don't forget the Chimpanzee Bridge." A few of us laugh at this joke Dave has told many times before. Dave then says, "Oh, look, it's Ernest Borgnine!" I think this was his way of saluting the "Chimpanzee Bridge" as an old joke.

JENNIFER CONNELLY: She's in the film, "Dark Water." It opens July 8th. She won an Academy Award for her work in "A Beautiful Mind."
She's been traveling with her family (husband and two children) and her 7-year old was very excited to see and try new things while in Paris . . . for the first day. By the second day in Paris, all he wanted to do was sit in the air-conditioned hotel room and watch cartoons. And then in Rome, a tour guide was trying to interest the children in some artifacts. After a while, her son said, "If you've seen one ancient culture, you've seen them all." And she could tell her 2-year old was thinking, "Why did they bring me to this ratty old playground?"

When my twins were 4 through 7 years old, we would go away to a nearby hotel that had an indoor pool. We would spend all day swimming. And if I forgot anything, I could drive home and get it. That's all kids want; an indoor pool, an ice machine, and a few vending machines. They have no interest in Paris or Rome . . . unless they have an indoor pool, an ice machine, and a vending machine.

Jennifer then tells of her fear of flying and the close calls she encountered. Dave doesn't like flying either, but he used to like drinking and he found the two went hand-in-hand quite well.
We see a clip from Jennifer's soon-to-be-released movie, "Dark Water." I used to be a big fan of the scary movies but I haven't gone to one in a while. From this simple 30-second clip, I could tell "Dark Water" is a good one. It really gave me the creeps. If you like this sort of thing, go see "Dark Water." It looks like a good one.

ACT 5: ALAN V.O.: "A Late Show Reminder: Looking for illegal fireworks this July 4th? Don't worry because I, Alan Kalter, will be selling illegal fireworks out of my van on the corner of 14th Street and 10th Avenue here in New York City. Remember, it's cash only, you punks! Get up and get going!"

EELS: From their CD, "Blinking Lights and Other Revelations," Eels performed "Trouble With Dreams." I liked the sound. The pajamas were a bit odd. And the lead's smoking the cigar got me in the mood for one myself.

And that was our show for Thursday, June 30, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

I'll be off to Wal-Mart in Connecticut Saturday morning to pick up my illegal fireworks. You can't buy any in New York or New Jersey, so I have to travel across state lines to pick up my supply of entertaining gun powder. It won't be Virginia-like fireworks, but simply spark producers from Connecticut.

Here's something I found sadly interesting: under the new contract, incoming NYPD rookie police officers will earn $25,100 a year, the lowest starting salary in at least 20 years. Chairman of the arbitration panel Eric Schmertz defended the new rookie salary by saying, "They have not yet experienced the dangers, the stress, and the responsibilities of the incumbent police officers." Good grief. Schmertz the schmuck.
Oh, and the city prefers their officers to live in New York City. I think the recruits have the choice of either living in the city or eating. They can't have both.
The rookie NYPD police officer will make $2000 a month, or $500 a week, or $100 a day . . . before taxes. Hang on . . . that comes to $12.50 an hour. For a New York City Police Officer.

I'm starting a new tradition at this year's 4th of July picnic barbecue. I'm going to read the Declaration of Independence. I think we should all be annoying to those around us and start this tradition this year. Sure, it'll be bothersome to others for the first few years but it will eventually become something to look forward to. It won't be appreciated till years later. May I suggest the honor of the reading could go to one of the children of the host of the barbecue. Sounds great, so get going!

VERBAL GAFFS:
From Curtis Daniels of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Hey, Curtis, I once had a friend named Daniel Curtis.

"Since you like stuff like this so you don't have to come up with stuff on your own and I like the idea of possibly seeing my name in print; here goes.
Every winter my in-laws wind up discussing how cold it is, especially with the 'wind-shield factor.' Even after describing how the wind really adds to how 'chilly' one feels they still don't seem to get it."

And from the Donz: LATE NIGHT ON THIS LATE SHOW NUMBER DATE IN HISTORY
Tonight's Late Show Number 2392. So what happened on LATE NIGHT on February 3, 1992?
It was a rerun from February 13, 1991.

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
Colorado Rockies franchise relocated to New Jersey and renamed "Devils", June 30, 1982.