Dave points out the sad fact that we live longer than our dogs, and over a course of a lifetime, you could put 8 dogs down if you live long enough and your dogs don't. Dave would like it if dogs could live as long as we could and so we would only have to go through that once. I think that's how this went. I was putting something together for later in the show and missed most of this.

20 years ago or so, Dave's mom wrote up a cookbook. She loves to cook and bake, though "she's no Martha Stewart, no Betty Crocker, no . . . no . . . Julia Child. She hooked up with some low-priced publisher, bought a load of her books back, and on weekends now goes out and sells the books out of the back of her van. $14 a pop. Shrewd business woman is she.

I'm not sure but I think these two stories were inspired by a question during the pre-show.

TRUMP OR WOOKIE? Dave mistakenly calls it "Trump or Monkey." We used to play "Trump or Monkey" but tonight we're playing "Trump or Wookie." Whenever Dave misspeaks that way, my immediate thought is I made a mistake on the blue card. Tonight, I was 99% sure I had it right. In fact, so sure was I that I didn't even check the blue card after the show. Then at home I was flipping through the channels at 11:40 PM and watched a few minutes of the Late Show. Watching closely, it almost appeared to me that Dave had read "Trump or Monkey" off the blue card, resulting in his mistake. Could I have made that mistake? I really don't think so, but now I'll check first thing Wednesday morning. My 99% confidence has slipped, but it's still up near 95%. I typed and re-typed that card 5 times; cutting it down, adding information, rearranging the sequence of steps to the game. Did I screw up the last time I typed the card? I really really don't think so. . . . but still, I'll check in the morning. Dave says hello to Rupert Jee in the Hello Deli and asks about the t-shirt he is wearing. Rupert says he doesn't remember where he got it but it cost him about $10. How much are the Rupert Jee Hello Deli t-shirts? $14. Dave wants Rupert to change shirts and has him put on the Hello Deli T. Is it 100% cotton? Rupert answers, "It's a 90-10." I have no idea what that means. The only t-shirts I wear are the ones people send to the show and end up in the free-box at the end of the hall. Dave "suggests" that Rupert should sell his shirts for $8.00 today. A rather reluctant Rupert responds, "Uhhh, If you say so." Dave barks something about the QVC, then adds, "Quality, Value, Convenience." All of us in the shack looked at each other and said, "Is that really what QVC means?" Dave sends Rupert outside to find a contestant. Meanwhile, we have a show to put on.

Have you seen the new McDonalds commercial? They're trying to healthy-up their menu and have created a Fruit and Walnut Salad. Dave isn't sure how this will work out. We take a look at the commercial.
Announcer: "McDonald's is pleased to introduce the new Fruit and Walnut Salad - a healthy, refreshing blend of sliced apples, plump grapes, and frosted walnuts. But don't worry McDonald's lovers, we haven't forgotten you. You'll also love the new . . . Deep-Fried Fruit and Walnut Salad . . . the triple Bacon Fruit and Walnut Salad with Cheese . . . . and the Sausage, Egg, Fruit, and Walnut Breakfast Burrito. McDonald's --- I'm lovin' it!"

Did you see Robert Blake last night on "Larry King Live"? He's really an odd man. Really creepy. So is Blake. The two of them got together during the interview and came up with this fantastic and hilarious, "Larry King and Robert Blake Comedy Classic." We take a look.
Larry King: "Somebody killed her."
Robert Blake: "You really want to go there?"
Larry King: "Who do you think?
Robert Blake: "Who do you think?
Larry King: "How do I know?"
Robert Blake: "How do I know?"
Larry King: "Because you knew people she knew. I don't know people she knew."
Robert Blake: "I don't know."
"Larry King and Robert Blake Comedy Classic"

It's back to Rupert's. Our contestant tonight: Natalie Ellis of Memphis, Tennessee. After some small chat, Dave has Natalie ask Rupert, "How much are the t-shirts?" It pains Rupert to say it; "Today, $8." Big laugh here. Dave adds, "And tonight it's a family special: 2 for $10." You could see Rupert tallying his dwindling profit margin.
It's time to play. What are we playing for? A Mr. Coffee coffee maker. How do we play Trump or Wookie?
Rupert has 3 photos covered right up to the hairline. One photo is of Donald Trump. The other two are of Chewbacca. Natalie must find the Donald Trump. She has 30 seconds. After a study of about 15 seconds, Natalie has made her choice. She picks photo #1. Rupert reveals the rest of the photo and it is . . . . . . TRUMP! Natalie wins! We see the other two photos are that of Chewbacca. Congratulations, Natalie! You win a Hello Deli deli platter and a Mr. Coffee coffee maker.

UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE, WITH HAROLD LARKIN: We sent Harold out to the streets of New York City . . . and had him sit uncomfortable close to people. We take a look at one such incident. I believe this was near Central Park in Columbus Circle at 59th and Broadway. A couple is sitting on a park bench. There is lots of room for anybody to sit, but Harold sits right next to the gentleman. The gents give Harold a half look. And then another. He scooches over. Harold scooches over, too. The gent gives Harold another look. The gent sees that Harold is much larger than he. Instead of embarrassing himself in front of his girlfriend, he takes her by the elbow and they find another place to sit.
I hope the CBS Upfronts took notice of this episode. I think it can be expanded into a series. Or at least a summer replacement.

TOP TEN: Reasons To Watch Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's New Show.
-"Britney and Kevin: Chaotic" premiered earlier tonight on the UPN. It's an exclusive look into their lives through their own personal videos.
#10. Britney: "There's never-before-seen footage of me wrestling an alligator."
#9. Kevin: "Unlike those 'Desperate Housewives' chicks, we're not, like, 60 years old."
#8. Britney: "It's like 'American Idol' except no one sleeps with Paula Abdul."
#7. Kevin: "In the first episode, you can see my ass."
#6. Britney: "I'm hot"
#5. Kevin: "She's hot."
#4: Britney and Kevin: "We haven't had nearly enough media coverage."
#3. Britney: "It's gotta be better than this show"
#2. Kevin: "If enough people tune in, maybe my wife will make out with Madonna again."
#1. Britney: "In the season finale, you'll find out Dave is the father of my baby . . . . ooops!"

"Britney and Kevin: Chaotic" - Tuesdays at 9:00 on the UPN.

BEN STILLER: His movies made over a billion dollars last year. I'm still not sure if that is true. The secret, says Ben, is to make about 100 movies a year and eventually you'll hit that mark.
Ben and his wife are expecting another child. Ben says he's been going to Lamaze classes, and also at the class is Kevin Federline. Ben calls him K.Fed. B.Still says K.Fed does all the things necessary in the class but unfortunately, chain smokes throughout.
Ben has a 3-year old at home. She and Ben were watching "Face the Nation" or "Meet the Press" or one of those shows and after a particular bad visual on the screen, his daughter lamented, "Oy Caramba!" Ben found this amusing in that 1. Where did she learn the phrase? And 2. it's the wrong phrase. It's "Ay caramba!" Where did she learn that, he wondered. Ben told his wife the funny story and she said, "You mean it's not 'Oy Caramba'?" Ben now thinks he knows where his daughter got it from. By the way, his daughter also says, "Hasta L'Chiam."

Dave has heard of Ben's interest in the old TV Star Treks and is a huge fan of William Shatner. Ben admits to his infatuation with the program, and reveals that he recently bought a laurel wreath that Captain Kirk wore in an episode. Back in the shack we immediately started looking for a photo of Kirk with the wreath from that episode. We soon found it. We quickly tried to print out the color photo on our slow color printer. Meanwhile, the show went to commercial. Within the past few years, when a guest stays on for another segment, instead of sitting and waiting here at the studio for the 3 minutes of the commercial break to elapse, Dave now comes back within a minute or so. The breaks aren't in real time like you see at home. We'll fade to black and be back in a minute. I like this since it keeps us going and moving forward at a brisk pace, but it hurts in that it doesn't give us the time to get things to Dave in between segments. With one eye on the printer and another eye on the monitor, we knew it would be close. The photo finishes printing just as we come back from the break. We just missed. We get Dave the photo to Dave during the "Madagascar" clip but by then it was too late.
In the 2nd segment, we see a clip of Ben and his sister from 1972 on the Mike Douglas Show. The two of them are trying to play the violin as mom and dad and Mike look on. That's a big difference between Ben and me. When he was 8, he played the violin poorly in front of a national audience on the Mike Douglas Show. When I was 8, I played the clarinet poorly in front of my Aunt Jo and Uncle Frank in the living room. "Madagascar" - Ben is the voice of Alex the Lion. It opens May 27th.

ACT 5: It's time once again for "Late Show Security Officer Stephanie Montague Talks on a CB."
Stephanie: "Breaker, breaker. This is Sly Foxxy. Anybody got their ears on? I gat a Smokey on my tail, some bears in the air and my rig's thirsty for some motion-lotion. Over. Thanks for looking out for your fellow Good Buddies. We'll see you down the road."
This has been "Late Show Security Officer Stephanie Montague Talks on a CB. Keep it real.

SHELLY FAIRCHILD: From her debut CD, "Ride," Shelly Fairchild performed "Kiss Me."

And that was our show for Tuesday, May 17, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Phew. I just checked Tuesday's blue card. It reads "Trump or Wookie."

The other day I mentioned the similarity between mama Marie's sculpture on "Everybody Loves Raymond" and the sculpture in front of the Rockland County courthouse. I thought I found a site where you could see the courthouse sculpture but it wasn't working. Then Wahoo reader Rande Beidel e-mailed me this. Take a look:

"Some of your faithful readers like me might want to see a picture of that statue you were talking about.
Googling got me this link:
http://www.itsnewjersey.com/lostinjersey/graphics2003/vaginalawn.jpg

IN LINE VS. ON LINE
From Frank MacDonald of San Antonio:

"Mike got a question that you may want to probe in Wahoo Gazette. It seems to me growing up that we always had to wait in line for something. The bank, rides at the amusement park or whatever. Now in the computer age I always hear or read something like this from Friday's Gazetter: 'Star Wars: Episode 3 - Revenge of the Sith' - if you're reading this, you're not a true fan of the Star Wars. You'd be waiting on line somewhere for the Thursday May 19th premiere.'
Heck, Terry Gross from 'Fresh Air' on NPR used the phrase the same way the other day. So what about it Mike? I say if you're physically there its in line and if your using the computer your on-line."

Hey, kids! Set your VCRs. All this week, the NBC soap "Passions" is in Vegas!

THIS DATE IN HISTORY
May 17, 1963: Bruno Sammartino faced off against the hated Buddy Rogers at Madison Square Garden. Sammartino used a dropkick, backbreaker, and a crushing bearhug to dethrone the champ. Sammartino would go on to defend his championship for an unprecedented eight years, which is a record that still stands today.

I'm driving to work the other day and the car in front of me has a license plate frame from the State University of New York, Oneonta. The plate reads: Oneonta Red Dragons. The State University of New York at Cortland is less than two hours from Oneonta. Cortland too is known as the Red Dragons. I may have to do a bit of the research to find out why both these state colleges less than two hours apart have the same mascot: Red Dragons. Who had it first? And shouldn't the other college have decided against Red Dragons when they learned the other college already had it? Jiminy. There's a world of choice out there and these two have to pick Red Dragons? Where's the creativity? I guess that's why they are a state college.

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
May 17, 1983: The New York Islanders sweep the Edmonton Oilers to win their 4th consecutive Stanley Cup.