Before the show, a gentleman from Wisconsin said there is a direct correlation between watching this show and the deterioration of America’s workforce. It’s led to a declining GNP, which is now n! ext to nothing. Who the heck let Greenspan in the audience?

On the show tonight, David Arquette. He and his wife Courteney Cox have a daughter KooKoo. Dave is curious about the name. They must be from the school of “makin’ ‘em tough!”

Also on the show, Chef Gordon Ramsay. He goes to struggling restaurants and offers suggestions for a makeover. Dave says it would be a good idea to get Ramsay over to Rupert’s to give the place a once over. Seconds later, Dave is handed a note: “Rupert Went Home.” Dave wants Rupert back and the call is made.

And that’s not all. All night long we have a guy in the green room getting root canal. Yup! It’s sweeps, all right! We take a look inside and find Dr. Rick Marcus, Dental Assistant Elizabeth Goldstein, and patient Bill Buysee. Will the patient be receiving any gas? Nope, root canal today isn’t as painful as it was years ago. Dave understands, realizing that years ago to get to the root canal, the dentist would have to go through your wallet!

LATE SHOW WEEK IN REVIEW
Last week, reports surfaced of rivalries within al-Qaeda that are tearing the organization apart. Al-Qaeda quickly moved to address the problem. This aired on Al Jazeera.

“Al Qaeda members! Now is the time to unite behind one leader and leave petty differences behind! Vote for your favorite: (much like “American Idol”) Osama bin Laden, Ayman al-Zawahiri, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, or Carrie Underwood. The Al Qaeda phone lines are open! Vote now!

Back to Dr. Marcus, we see him giving Bill the patient a shot of Novocain. Ewwww. We see Dr. Marcus wiggling the needle into the gum and depressing the plunger. Why the wiggle? Dr. Marcus says it helps the patient keep his mind off the pain in the gum. Dave notices that the Doctor and the Assistant each have one a surgical mask. Wanting to add some excitement to the root canal surgery, Dave has Bill the patient put on the surgical mask and wear it like a party hat. Bill do! es, much to the delight of all but Bill. How about the Doctor sitting on Bill’s lap? Would the Doctor do that for $100? This whole thing was getting a bit crazy.

It’s been a bad week for the news media. First the Newsweek debacle, and then yesterday CNN ran this. CNN ran a negative and scathing story about Iraq, then had to retract. The negative and scathing story belonged in a story about talk show host David Letterman.

Hey, it’s another Star Wars spaceship. It’s the Imperial Star Destroyer Executor. We see if fly behind Dave. It looks a lot like a hoagie.

California is going to hell and you would think the governor would be doing something about it. But no. Where is he? Take a look. We see a clip of Governor Schwarzenegger at a Ping Pong tournament. I’m guessing he was appealing do the hard to get table tennis vote.

Earlier this week, CBS said goodbye to Everybody Loves Raymond.

“From everybody at CBS, thank you to the cast and crew of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ for a great nine years. And thanks for leaving us with a gaping hole in our schedule which we’ll probably fill with some sure-to-be-canceled comedy. . . starring Craig T. Nelson. Thanks, Ray. From all your friends at CBS!”

“Men’s Wearhouse is the place to go for all your prom tuxedo rental needs. Take advantage of our prom night special can save 10% on all tuxedo styles. And for you losers who can’t get a date . . . our mannequins are available for rent at reasonable prices. Men’s Wearhouse – you’re going to like the way you look.”

We take a quick look back at the root canal surgery. Dave asks Bill the patient, whose mouth is filled with dentist stuff, if the tooth was temperature sensitive. Yes, it is temperature sensitive.

It’s allergy season and so we’ve asked our announcer Alan Kalter for a pollen-count update.
Alan: (his face is blotchy and splotchy red, an uglier sight than usual)
“Thanks, Dave. Pollen counts remained at unusually high levels this week across the country. Unfortunately, the forecast for the coming days is more of the same. Grass and tree pollen will continue to cause discomfort to allergy sufferers for at least another week, especially in the northeast and the upper Midwest. Back to you, Dave.”
Dave: (concerned about Alan’s face) “I’m sorry to see you’re suffering from the allergies, Alan.”
Alan: “Oh, the pollen doesn’t bother me, Dave. Some of my neighbors are jealous that I’m on TV.”

And look, it’s one more “Star Wars” spaceship! Wow. Makes me almost want to go see the movie. The spaceship looks a lot like a toaster. . . a two-slicer.

And that was our Week in Review.

Back from commercial, we go back to more root canal. The Doctor is now well down into the tooth and a little tiny itsy bitsy camera gets us right down in there to see. Fascinating view . . . and Bill feels no pain! Looking into the tooth, Dave yells, “Hey, Bill, we found your keys!”

DAVID ARQUETTE: Dave apologizes for getting David Arquette’s daughter’s name wrong. It’s Coco, not KooKoo. Coco came from the first two letters in Courteney and the first two letters in Cox. I like that. I think I’ll start calling Dave, Dale. And I’ll call Paul, Pash. Funny, I went to school with a girl named Susan Pash, but that’s not a story for now.

David and Courteney have formed a production company named “Coquette” and have been busy working on a bunch of projects. One project is entitled, “Daisy Does America” Suddenly during the segment, Dave lets out a big sneeze. He apologizes, explaining he gave a cold to little Harry, and in turn, little Harry then gave it back. Paul calls that Ping Ponging. Hey! Look at that! Ping Pong twice on the show! That hasn’t happened since Mahir.

David and Courteney pitched a show to MTV called, “Dirt Squirrel.” David would play a giant squirrel. Courteney would play Go-Go-Gophie. Paul Reubens as a giant raccoon. He’s hoping it becomes a cult classic somewhere.

Whatever David it taking, I remember taking stuff in college that did the same things to me.

David is in a new film entitled The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D. Dave is excited about the 3-D, believing it may be an untapped source of entertainment. David has some glasses for the host to watch the clip. We see David Arquette riding a chocolate chip cookie. . . or something like that.

The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D – it opens June 10th.

MORE ROOT CANAL: Almost done. Paul watches the root canal with his 3-D glasses. It makes it seem like you’re right there. So far, everything is going OK.

CHEF GORDON RAMSAY: On his BBC America show, Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, Gordon goes to restaurants that aren’t doing very well, and he tries to turn them around. The biggest mistake restaurants make is over pricing; taking customers for granted, and not understanding their needs. I find the best way to make a restaurant successful is to give lots of fries. It doesn’t cost much, but people love lots of fries. Gordon says the restaurant business is a tough business. If the customer is unhappy, they usually don’t tell you; they simply just don’t come back. What’s a sign of a bad restaurant? Gordon says in one restaurant he went to recently, the food in the fridge had fuzz on it. That’s a pretty good sign of a bad restaurant. . . . unless the food was a peach, I guess. Would Gordon Ramsay go over to Rupert’s to give it the once over? He’s not even over there yet and he begins critiquing. “It looks like a pig sty.” Hey, you can’t tell a book by its cover.

We check in with Gordon Ramsay at Rupert’s. Dave asks Rupert if he went home and Rupert admits he did. But now he’s back. What’s the most popular sandwich at Rupert’s? People really go for the Paul Shaffer. And what is in the Paul Shaffer?

THE PAUL SHAFFER: CHICKEN CUTLET, AMERICAN CHEESE, LETTUCE, TOMATO, SWEET PEPPERS, MAYO ON A HERO. It goes for $5.95.

Gordon jumps in. “When did you last change the oil?” Rupert is already back on his heels. “Uhh, last week.” Sell a lot of sandwiches? Yup. A lot every day. Gordon inspects Rupert’s sandwich. “It’s a bit dry” barks Ramsay. Dave suggests, “Drink something!” Dave has Rupert get Gordon a coke. Before Rupert breaks down in tears, Dave puts an end to it.

Before saying goodnight, Dave has us take a look at the final results of the root canal. The patient is pleased, and as soon as the check clears, the Doctor will be pleased, too.

And that was our show for Friday May 20, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Hey, if the audience seemed a little odd tonight it was because it was filled with members of the Alt.Fan.Letterman Newsgroup. Who are they? Ahhh, I remember when I didn’t know either. Oh, those halcyon days. The Alt.Fan.Letterman newsgroup consists of LATE SHOW fans who know all about the LATE SHOW. Have a question about the show? They’ll know it. Will they answer? Eventually. Check out the newsgroup to find out how they spent their day, weekend, or week in the Big Apple taking in all the sights and sounds of New York. And to put the names to the faces, check out The Tony Mendez Show. I believe they are featured this week.

How to get to the newsgroup? I think there’s more than one way, but this is how I do it.
Go to Google.
Click on GROUPS, found between Images and News
Type in “Letterman” and click
Click on alt.fan.letterman
And you’re in! You’re life will never be the same.

So Reggie Miller is out and done. He was always one of my favorites; one of the game’s purest shooters. What I liked most about Reggie Miller was how he would always beat the New York Knicks . . . or at least it seemed as if he did. At one time I was a big New York Knick fan, but then they started playing less real basketball and more bully basketball. Their game face was usually a scowl. I never saw any joy in their game. And then this lanky kid would come to town and tweak the big bullies in their own house. Reggie and the Pacers would go away winners while the Knicks would look to blame anyone but themselves for the loss. I pictured Reggie running to the locker room after the game, giggling all the way.

My 9-year-old girls won a couple gold fish at the local Fireman’s Carnival. They were very proud of their swimming pets that cost them near-nothing to win. Unfortunately, the fish came in a plastic bag. We made plans to get to the pet store. Yup, these free fish ended up costing $50 for a 10-gallon aquarium, stone, filter, food, net, and décor. I then browsed the other fish for sale. Wow! Expensive! Bu! ying tropical fish can run into some real money! And don’t they all die in a month anyway?

Any books on how to mate fish?

In yesterday’s Wahoo, I tried to explain the difference between mesa and butte. I don’t think I succeeded. Wahoo reader Mike Reynolds of West Allis, Wisconsin sheds some light.

Butte vs. Mesa
“If you stare at a lady's nice butte, you are in a mesa trouble with your wife.”

And for the Preakness: I like Noble Causeway (10-1) and Scrappy T (20-1). My bets in the Derby didn’t come close.

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
May 20, 1940: NHL great and 4-time scoring leader Stan Mikita is born.