It's March Madness time again and this year CBS has a fantastic new innovation in the NCAA tournament coverage. We were able to obtain a preview. We cut to a clip of what I believe was yesterday's Oakland/Alabama A&M play-in game. It's a black screen. Graphic reads, "LIVE - Inside the ball."
I find the shot from inside the basketball about as informative as a crowd shot of a player's mom and dad.

HUMP DAY: It was a slow news day today. Did you see the CNN special report today? Even the Wahoo Gazette wouldn't sink that low to fill space.
"Coming up this hour on CNN - a special report on Hump Day.
Which part is the humpiest?
How can you avoid hump-related stress and injury?
And what will rising interest rates mean for your hump?
Stay tuned to CNN - the most trusted source for news."

GEORGE W. BUSH JOKE THAT'S NOT REALLY A JOKE: we see Bush with Putin. I forgot. Something about a question from a guy named "King" and talking about a monarchy. "Speaking about 'monarchy . . . .get it? . . . . heh heh heh."

The Daytime Emmy nominations were announced last week. Dave was curious about one of the announcements he heard.

"King World Productions would like to congratulate all its stars who are nominated at this year's Daytime Emmy Awards - including Alex Trebek, nominated for Outstanding Game Show Host;
Bob Vila, nominated for Outstanding Service Show Host;
And Dr. Phil, nominated for Outstanding Bull-djoy Advice Show Host.
Congratulations, from everyone in the King World family!"

MARTHA STEWART BEFORE PRISON AND MARTHA STEWART AFTER PRISON.
BEFORE: Made personalized ceramic plates for friends.
AFTER: Makes personalized license plates for friends.

BEFORE: Traveled freely to cities all over the world.
AFTER: Must endure torture of being confined to her luxurious 153-acre estate.

BEFORE: Social life involved Hamptons cocktail parties.
AFTER: Social life involves drinking 40s in 7-11 parking lot

BEFORE: Loved watching 'The Shawshank Redemption.'
AFTER: Now, not so much.

BEFORE: Delicate and genteel like Audrey Hepburn in "Breakfast at Tiffany's"
AFTER: Ripped and tattooed like Deniro in "Cape Fear"

TOP TEN - Signs Your Team Won't Be Winning the NCAA Basketball Championship.
Reading from the informational blue card, Dave reads "This is the first year since 1972 that a men's team from the state of Indiana has not made the field.
This does not make Dave very happy. No team from Indiana. Who to root for? The closest team to the NYC metro area is Farleigh Dickenson. They play Illinois in the first round. They then play the winner of Texas vs. Nevada if they advance.

Signs Your Team Won't Be Winning the NCAA Basketball Championship.
#7. Instead of drinking Gatorade, team uses timeouts to moisturize.
#4. In your region: North Carolina, Duke, and the '98 Chicago Bulls

AMANDA PEET: She's in the new Woody Allen film, "Melinda and Melinda." Is it really "Melinda AND Melinda"? I wondered the same thing earlier in the day, thinking it was "Melinda, Melinda." Still, hearing Dave question it made me very very nervous. I checked one more time and phewed when I saw it was "Melinda and Melinda."
How is it working with Woody Allen? She is in the film with Will Ferrell and they are both big fans of the Wood-man. She says Woody doesn't coddle a lot and say how great they are doing, so Amanda and Will were constantly in fear of being fired. They never knew what Woody thought of their performance. Amanda then does a Woody Allen impression that was surprisingly good.
Amanda is also involved in an off-Broadway play that is currently in previews. Oh, she just joined the cast a few days ago when another actress had to bow out (Marisa Tomei). So what's it like to be hired on to perform in a play and then having to perform 6 days later? Amanda says it reminds her of how she would cram for exams in college, flipping through pages of notes right up to the door of the classroom. She's doing that now DURING the play, going over her lines seconds before each entrance on stage. After discussing the play for a few minutes, Dave says "Did we mention the name of the production?" Amanda thinks, then blanks, then laughs hysterically as she almost forgets the name. It's "This Is How It Goes" at the Public Theater on Lafayette Street here in Manhattan.
Dave says he has a theory that every motion picture would be better if Tom Hanks were in it. He now is adding, "I think every motion picture would be better if YOU were in it, as well." Amanda is obviously delighted, and rightfully so.
Dave admires Amanda's beauty and charm, regaling her magnificent profile. It's a shame she has to go so soon to get to her show downtown. She doesn't want to leave as she reminds Dave, "But today is Monday! There's no show today!"
DOOOOOHHH! It's not Monday, it's Wednesday! Poor Amanda forgot to set her clock ahead two days before making her entrance. When it dawns on Amanda what that today is Wednesday, wink wink, she buries her head in her hands and attempts to apologize through her laughter. Dave piles it on when he reminds Amanda that she probably performed a matinee earlier in the day. Ooops.

Back from commercial, Dave continues to laud Ms. Peet's elegant beauty and charm. He tells Paul that's what makes having your own show worthwhile. Without a show, Dave admits that he would never have a chance to sit so close to a woman like Amanda Peet. Paul says he's not so sure of that, reminding Dave that many women are greatly attracted to men with a sense of humor. Dave brightens a bit, then fades when Paul adds, "Sure, usually they're most impressed with guys with a sense of humor who look like Brad Pitt."

Our announcer Alan Kalter asked for a minute if we had the time. Against our better judgment, we agreed.
Alan: "Thanks, Dave. There is speculation that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice may run for president in 2008."
Alan turns to another camera. Lights dim. Sensual music plays.

"Condi, girl, as you ponder your political future, there are some areas Big Red wants to probe. We will engage in different positions leaving you quivering before the awe-inspiring passion of my Axis of Ecstasy. And if you want to heat things up with Hillary Clinton in 2008, that's cool, baby. Big Red is all for 'bilateral' elections. And if there's one thing you can I have in common, we're both loyal to Bush."

"This is really getting old. If someone wanted me to give my basketball picks, they should have told me so. I haven't had a chance to see the brackets, so of course I come across looking like an idiot. I'll take you bastards to court!"

DEAN KARNAZES: This guy is nuts. He's an ultra-marathoner. His longest distance on a run is 262 miles. That's like running 10 consecutive marathons. It took him through 3 nights of running. Ouch. Sounds like raising twins!
Dean has a resting pulse of 40. The norm is 70. His maximum stress pulse rate is about 180-185. This doesn't mean much to me but I raise my eyebrows at the numbers so those around me think I know something. Dean says when he went on his 262-mile run, he ran the final mile in under 6 minutes. Says he wanted to end the damn thing. 262 miles without stopping!? I've had cars that couldn't do that.
Dean says he can run a regular 26-mile marathon in about two-and-a-half hours, adding, "I'm not fast but I can go for a long time." This gets a big laugh, pointing out once again that the mind of most people is never too far away from the gutter.
Dean's 26-mile run lasted 75 hours; 3 nights without sleep. Does anybody else run like this? He says there are organized 100-mile races and has competed solo against relay teams at this distance. . . . and has beaten many! That's impressive until you realize he doesn't have to deal with the difficult baton hand-off.
How does he keep his energy up during a 262-mile run? Dean says he runs with a credit card and a cell phone. When he needs the calories and energy, he'll order pizza on the run. He'll calculate where he'll be in 20 minutes or so and have the delivery guy meet him there. Cheese cake is also a good calorie-loading treat to aid in the run.
He's also run through Death Valley in the searing 130 degree heat. He learned the hard way the importance of running on the white line of the highway in such heat. The black asphalt would melt the soles of the running shoes right off.
His goal is to run 300 miles. Can he do it? He doesn't know, but that's the incentive, to see if he can do it or not.
An impressed but a bit bewildered Dave thanks Dean for coming to the show. Dean then gets up and leaves. Dave can only says, "Look, there he goes on a run right now."
Look for Dean Karnazes (rhymes with "Onassis") book, "Ultra Marathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner."

And that was our show for Wednesday, March 16, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Monday I filled Wahoo space by making a plea that the NCAA Tournament play-in game should not be played by teams receiving an automatic bid. It should be reserved for invited teams. Mike Wiles of South Pasadena, California took the bait and responded, providing me with more space filler.

"I think you have a point about making the play in game for invited at-large teams rather than automatic qualifiers. The question is who would the winner of the play-in game face? The could not play the #1 seed because the #1 seed is supposed to play the weakest team in the tournament first..."

Right after I get the Super Bowl moved to Saturday, I'll start working on this.

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
March 16, 1969 - The Boston Bruins score an NHL record 8 goals in 1 period.

It's March Madness, and I LOVE MARCH MADNESS! No, I'm not a big college basketball fan, but due to CBS coverage of the games, we're in repeats and I get to go home early.
THURSDAY, MARCH 17: From February 1, 2005; Show #2309 - Debra Messing; and Peyton Manning.
FRIDAY, MARCH 18: From February 17, 2005; Show #2321 - Charlie Sheen; and Tori Amos; plus dropping things off the roof.

Check the Wahoo Archives and make your plans.

Don't forget to watch Good Day Live on Friday. It's their final show. I'm sure they'll handle it with the class and decorum they are noted for.

Remember, before you hoist your first glass of Guinness on St. Patrick's Day, take a minute to find out what St. Patrick did and why he is celebrated. Do that, and you'll be ahead of the majority of the Irish living in the States.

From National Geographic News:

On S. Patrick's Day this Thursday, some revelers will raise a pint of stout and with their companions "Slainte!"— the Irish word, pronounced SLAN-cha, for 'health.'
In the spirit of the holiday, National Geographic News rustled up other facts related to St. Patrick.
- St. Patrick's Day marks the Roman Catholic feast day for Ireland's patron saint, who died in the 5th century. St. Patrick (Patricius in Latin) was not born in Ireland, but in Britain.
- Irish brigands kidnapped St. Patrick at 16 and brought him to Ireland. He was sold as a slave in the county of Antrim and served in bondage for six years until he escaped to Gaul, in present-day France. He later returned to his parents' home in Britain, where he had a vision that he would preach to the Irish. After 14 years of study, Patrick returned to Ireland, where he built churches and spread the Christian faith for some 30 years.
- Many myths surround St. Patrick. One of the best known—and most inaccurate—is that Patrick drove all the snakes from Ireland into the Irish Sea, where the serpents drowned. (Some still say that is why the sea is so rough.)
But snakes have never been native to the Emerald Isle. The serpents were likely a metaphor for druidic religions, which steadily disappeared from Ireland in the centuries after St. Patrick planted the seeds of Christianity on the island.