It's America's fastest growing quiz sensation, it's KNOW YOUR CURRENT EVENTS.

Tonight's categories:
Know Your Current Events.
Know Your Cuts of Meat.
Know Your Cold and Flu Remedies
Know Your Presidential Pets
Know Your New York Jets Non-Starters
Know Your Novelty Car Horns (an audio category)

CONTESTANT #1. Chad from the University of Kentucky. Chad is here with his wife Danni. What have they done since coming to visit New York City. This morning they went to the "Kelly and Regis." I laughed, picturing Regis watching in bed at home. "Kelly and Regis!!!" Who was on "Kelly and Regis" this morning? Says Chad after some thought, "I don't know." Dave says, "Don't worry. Regis doesn't know either."*
* - quotes based on questionable memory.
So what does Chad want to play tonight? After some thought, Chad selects "Know Your New York Jets Non-Starters."

Question #1. "This second-year guard warms the bench with every single one of his 294 pounds." Answer: "Dave Yovanovits."
Question #2. "While on the sidelines, back-up Trevor Johnson reminisces about playing for which team?" Answer: "The Nebraska Cornhuskers"

CONTESTANT #2. Norm Wallace from Springfield, Massachusetts. Norm is a retired school teacher. What subject did he teach? Dave didn't ask but we played back in the shack. Yelled out were "Math" "English" "History" and "Music." We waited for the question to be asked but Dave never asked. Darn.
Norm wants to play "Know Your Presidential Pets." Does Norm have a pet at home? "No." His wife Nancy sitting off to the side yells out, "What about the family cat?" Oh, yeah. The family cat. Dave looks at Norm with puzzlement.
Question #1: "In 1826, the Marquis de Lafayette gave John Quincy Adams what animal as a gift?" Oooh, a history question. Dave asks, "Ever teach history?" Norm says no, "I taught English." Ding Ding Ding. Justin Stangel is a winner. What animal did the Marquis de Lafayette give John Quincy Adams? Answer: "An alligator.
Question #2. "What was the name of Calvin Coolidge's hippo?" Answer: "Billy"

CONTESTANT #3. Beth from Charleston, South Carolina -Charleston was once one of the busiest seaports in North America. (Fun fact provided by Dave.) Beth is a nursing student. She's here with her friend, Jessica. And they are single. Dave says he needs some medical attention and Beth is more than ready to offer.
What category for Beth? She wants to play "Know Your Novelty Car Horns.

Question #1. "Name this novelty car horn song." Answer: "The Theme to the Godfather."
Question #2. "The animal in the title of this novelty car horn song spreads diseases such as dysentery and salmonella through contact with food and food preparation areas." We hear the car horn song. Answer: La Cucaracha, or the cockroach.

And that's how we play Know Your Current Events. It's America's fastest growing quiz sensation, you know.

Wednesday night Dave was feeling so sick he couldn't finish the show. A guy who sort of looked like Dave had to fill in and close up. Well, things are worse tonight. The guy who sort of looks like Dave who is backstage ready to fill in at a moment's notice . . . well, he's sick now, too. We see a shot of the guy. He's sneezy, stuffy, and feeling blah. Dave points out that it hasn't effected his acting, though.

So how was Dave's visit to Billy Crystal's "700 Sundays" last night? Dave went to the show with Paul and sat right next to Dr. Kissinger. They talked about this last night before they went. Dave wanted the aisle seat because of an old leg injury. Plus, he knew he has nothing to say to Dr. Kissinger. Paul also wanted the aisle seat. Dave says that at the show, Paul tried to pull a fast one. As they walked down the aisle to their seat, Paul stepped aside to let Dave enter first. Dave didn't want to enter first. Dave wanted the aisle seat. After some gesturing left and right and some shoe shuffling, Dave was able to maneuver Paul into going in first. Dave got his aisle. Paul got to sit between Dr. Henry Kissinger and David Letterman. So what did Paul and Dr. Kissinger talk about? I guess Dr. Kissinger knew who he would be sitting next to because he said, "I saw the movie last night about the late night talk show wars. I didn't understand the negotiations." The world's greatest negotiator and he didn't understand the late night negotiations.
Dave says it was a great show, lots of laughs, very entertaining. It comes with the Letterman approval.

I was impressed with Dr. Kissinger. Knowing he would be sitting with David Letterman, he did some research and watch the movie about the late night talk show wars. Guy's a pro.

MARG HELGENBERGER: She's from the very popular "CSI" on CBS and is in the film "In Good Company" which opens Friday. She's also a People's Choice winner, garnering the award for Favorite Female Television Actress. While walking the red carpet last Sunday at the Awards, the question she was asked was "Where were you when you heard about Brad and Jen?" Yikes. I laughed, thinking it funny, but then turned a bit squeamish when I couldn't determine if the questioner was serious or not. Marg says it as all the talk at the People's Choice, the Brad and Jen news. Really now, is there a bigger "Who cares?" in the news today? High school kids going steady stay together longer than Hollywood marriages. And I look at it this way. When star athletes or Hollywood movie stars suffer a setback, they can try to rebound by vacationing for a month in Hawaii and being served drinks poolside. When you or I suffer a similar setback, we can try to rebound during our morning commute sitting in bumper to bumper. Their bad days are better than our good ones.
Marg congratulates Dave on his becoming a dad. The proud Dave asks, "Do you remember where you were when it was announced that I was a father?"
Dave and Marg have a bit in common. Both are from the Midwest. Both got their start doing the weather on local television. Marg got her big break to do the news by winking at the camera. Coincidentally, that's how I missed out on my big break. We see a few clips of Marg doing the weather, highlighted by her exciting, "Looks like some more hot weather!"
You can see Marg on "CSI" and in "In Good Company" with Dennis Quaid. I'm not much the movie goer but the clips I've seen of this film keeps my interest. I really like the Quaid dilemma.

RYAN SEACREST: He's the host of "American Idol," now in its 4th season. This next round premiers Tuesday, the 18th. I laughed when Ryan curled his leg underneath and sat on it in the guest chair. I recall Dave pointing this out some time back when Dave watched the "Idol." I'm not sure but I wouldn't be surprised if Ryan did that on purpose.
Dave wonders if the American Idol people deliberately choose the talentless simply to annoy us. Ryan says they don't necessarily pick the talentless . . . . they pick the naive, those who truly believe they are the next Bobby Vinton when it's so obvious to all that they are not. Of course, they choose those with possible star quality, but for comic relief they go for the naive. Hey! That's our target audience!
From what Dave's seen of the "Idol" and from what he knows about the guy as a guest on our show, Dave sums up Simon Cowell as being "a putz." Ryan defends Simon . . . to a point. He credits Cowell with discovering and creating this blockbuster, "American Idol," but when you come down to it, "he is a jackass."
To conclude, Dave asks Ryan to close it out. Ryan looks at the camera and says, "Seacrest . . . . . OUT!"

ACT 5: It's time to reveal Mr. Blackwell's list of Hollywood's best dressed monkeys!
At number 3, we have Chi Chi. Looking good!
Turning heads at number 2 is Chanel.
And taking number 1 by storm is Lady Farnsworth.
Fabulous, just fabulous!
This has been Mr. Blackwell's list of Hollywood's best-dressed monkeys!
Congratulations, ladies, and we'll see you next year!

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE: From their CD, "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge," My Chemical Romance performed "I'm Not Okay." My neck hurt just watching it.

And that was our show for Thursday, January 13, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

That's not all. Now it's being reported that Bernard Kerik receives without going to confession.

This just in: This year's Super Bowl Halftime show will feature Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson performing, "Ivory and Ivory."

Ryan Seacrest has his signoff, "Seacrest . . . out!" Here are some other Celebrity Signoffs.

"BLESS YOUR PEA-PICKIN' HEARTS
"BYE BYE"
"COURAGE
"GOODNIGHT" (and tug on ear)
"GOOD NIGHT AND MAY GOD BLESS"
"GOOD NIGHT, MRS. CALABASH, WHEREVER YOU ARE"
"GREASE FOR PEACE"
"SAY GOODNIGHT, DICK"
"SAY GOODNIGHT, GRACIE"
"TILL THEN, TO PUT A LITTLE FUN IN YOUR LIFE, TRY DANCING"
"SO LONG FOR NOW AND SPACEMAN'S LUCK TO ALL OF YOU"
"TOODLES"

Here are those who spoke those celebrity signoffs. It's up to you to match them up.

-SALLY FIELDS' CHARACTER IN "GIDGET"
-JOHN MCLAUGHLIN -- "THE MCLAUGHLIN GROUP"
-CAROL BURNETT - "THE CAROL BURNETT SHOW"
-JIMMY DURANTE - "THE JIMMY DURANTE SHOW"
-DAN RATHER -"CBS EVENING NEWS"
-KATHRYN MURRAY, WIFE OF ARTHUR MURRAY
-"THE ARTHUR MURRAY PARTY" (1950-1960)
-"TOM CORBETT, SPACE CADET" (1950-1955)
-BOWSER -- "SHA NA NA"
-DAN ROWAN (to Dick Martin) - "ROWAN AND MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN"
-TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD -"THE FORD SHOW"
-GEORGE BURNS (to Gracie Allen)

More on the 2nd biggest mall in America -relax, I'm just about done with this: From Chris Begley of Vancouver, BC

"Not to rub your faces in it, but the West Edmonton Mall is 5.3 Million square feet. See: http://www.westedmall.com/about/wemtrivia.asp

"According to the United Retail Mall Advertising Daily (the official magazine of the North American Mall Business League Association, which regulates mall advertising and industry claims), a mall may claim to be the largest, second largest, third largest, etc. mall in America only based upon net floor space dedicated to coin fountains."

USELESS FUN FACTS TO FILL UP SPACE
A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.
When a baby giraffe is born it falls from a height of six feet, normally without being hurt.
To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.
A whale's penis is called a 'dork'
'Wayne's World' was filmed in two weeks.